Activate Your Dopeness: Womanhood in the Era of Comparison

Originally written for The Sacred Desk.

"A [woman] of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies."
Proverbs 31:10

True story:
I didn't always think I was created to "do something;" I didn't always believe that there was something "special" about me.

When I was younger, I was the "ugly duckling" among my friends. I didn't get the boys, I didn't wear the latest fashions, I barely knew how to put lip gloss on so makeup was definitely not a thing, and I didn't really know how to straighten my hair until I was a junior in high school, so my go-to hair style was a slick back bun for most of middle school through high school.

And while I often felt overlooked, I so badly wanted to be seen–I wanted someone other than my parents to notice me, be infatuated with me, be enamored by something "special" about me.

For most of my adolescence, I struggled with body dysmorphia and self esteem because I compared myself to all the "pretty" girls–the popular girls in school. Unfortunately, puberty hit me QUICK and my hips were like, "NAH," to anything below a size 10/12 pair of jeans. Let's not even talk about going bra shopping. IT WAS AWFUL, SIS!

And if I'm being honest, I hated who I saw when I looked in the mirror. I didn't like what I saw, I didn't like that I wasn't skinny, didn't like that I didn't look like the "pretty" girls, and I couldn't find the slightest thing that I liked about myself for a really long time.

To take it a step further, at 25, almost 12 years later from my teenage body image woes, I still struggle with finding myself worthy at times. The difference is–I learned how to activate my DOPENESS.

So what exactly is "DOPENESS," Nic?
So glad you asked, sis!

It's that thing, that "je ne sais quoi" as the French say, that talent, that gift, that peculiar feature–it's the thing GOD gave you and only YOU...your Identity.

Think about it–no one else has your Identity, but you, right?

No one walks like you do, talks like you do, does what you do like you do, right?
Well that, sis is your DOPENESS.

But so often, we lose sight of our DOPENESS because we're too busy comparing ourselves to the next woman.

But what would womanhood and sisterhood look like if we all–each and every single woman–learned to truly accept who GOD created us to be individually and then came back collectively as a tribe to progress our gender?

Wooooooooooah, girl! I'm telling you–all that power we waste by giving in to societal standards, tearing each other down, heck tearing ourselves down, we'd be able to contain for ourselves and make some real change happen.

Nic, I hear you. So how do we contain that power?
By activating your DOPENESS of course!

Well, how exactly do I do that, sis?!
So glad you asked, siiiiiiiisss!

1. Know what GOD says about you:
When I'm having a day–a daaaaaaayyy–when my hair ain't falling right, jeans fitting too tight, and I'm just not feeling that je na sais quoi about myself, I go back to the Word of GOD.

And in His Word, He says that "[we] are fearfully and wonderfully made." And as cliche as it may sound, YOU are! We hear this scripture so often growing up in church, by how often do we actually believe it?

How often do we operate outside of our "fearfully and wonderfully made" makeup? 

I'll take it a step further–sis, you are PERFECT.

That's right! PERFECT!

And how do I know that? Because you were made by the Father–the Creator of the Universe–who is PERFECT, therefore you, too, were made PERFECT (Matthew 5:48). 

Does that mean you're not going to make mistakes? NO.

But who you are–CHOSEN (Psalm 50:15) , NOT FORSAKEN (Deuteronomy 3:16), LOVED (John 3:16), FREE (John 8:36), BLAMELESS (Psalm 119:1), A CHILD OF GOD (1 John 3:1)–is PERFECT, sis!

And that is who  you are!

2. Know your tribe:
GOD calls us to community for so many reasons, but one of the main reasons is that community fosters LOVE.

My momma says to me all the time, "You can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends." Having a core community, that's not just your family, but also your friends, grows that love on the inside of you. 

The book of Colossians says, "And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity" (Colossians 3:14).

Love not only perfects and corrects us, but it unites us. 

When you're surrounded by the right kind of tribe, not only are you perfecting your womanhood by learning from other women, but you are fostering relationships that can strengthen you in times of need, in times of anxiety, in times of uncertainty, in times of insecurity.

Your tribe can speak life into you and remind you of who GOD says you are on the days when you ain't feeling too hot about yourself.

3. Bring up another sister under you:
A major part of having a tribe and being an active member in your community is helping the next generation under you.

Iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). Let your DOPENESS flow onto another sister.

Titus 2:3-5 says, "Older women are to teach what is good, and so train the young women...to be self-controlled, pure, [and] kind."

There is so much each and every one of us has to offer; containing your DOPENESS to just yourself or your tribe is not only a waste, but a disservice to the world.

Which leads me to my next point...

4. Use what GOD gave YOU:
We all know the parable of the men with talents (Matthew 25:14-30). Don't bury your talent and let it go to waste!

Use the gifts that GOD gave you–put them to use to bless someone else. We glorify GOD and honor Him by using the gifts He gave us–and that is a part of what makes us special. We may have the same gift or talent, but the flair and identity that GOD gave us individually is the specialty.

You're DOPE, sis!

And in the age of comparison where everyone is trying to be like each other, your individuality is what makes you even more DOPE.

So activate your DOPENESS, remember what GOD says about you and help the next sister next to you.

Praying for you sis,
xo, Nic.