Christianity & Sexuality
I can't say I ever really understood the balance of what it meant to be a Christian. A Woman. & A Sexual Being.
All at one time. Not one without the others. Not one more than the others.
I was about 24/25 when I began to notice that I was becoming more curious about my sexuality. This may seem very odd seeing how I lost my virginity when I was about 16/17, but even after that, I was still not very sexually active. In fact, I was scared of sex. Grew up in church, and all you're pretty much told about sex is to not have it. Even to this day, the conversation about sex is still very much so taboo in the church.
But why?
Isn't it rather odd that the same people who claim to love the GOD–who actually invented sex...not Trey Songz–refuses to invite open, honest, and intriguing dialogue about sex?
Isn't it rather odd that the church runs from conversations about what it means to be a sexual being and sexuality when the GOD we praise created us in His image–meaning that sexuality and sexual desires were originally created by GOD? Might be too deep, but we'll seek to break this down later on?
Isn't it rather odd that the church calls for us to live holy and righteous, but doesn't talk about how to operate and express the GOD-image we were made in–including our sexuality and sexual desires–while still living holy and righteous?
Well almost two years after realizing that I did not know how to fully accept my sexual identity–that is GOD-given, and still live a life that is holy, righteous, and of a worthy sacrifice unto GOD, I've decided that I want to be more inviting of these same questions that I've posed. I want to be more inviting of questions related to them. I want to understand how I can fully embody who GOD has created me to be–His child, a woman, and a sexual being.
So, this is the TRANSPARENCY pact.
the TRANSPARENCY pact is an important part of #TheRibLifeJourney; it is a part of this space that I am very passionate about. It is where I seek to be transparent about my on-going journey with learning more about what it means to be created in the image of GOD, and navigating my sexual identity through healthy, honest, and pure dialogue.
We'll talk about my falls, my mistakes and shortcomings. But we'll also talk about GOD's faithfulness. We'll talk about what He's been revealing to me about myself, about my sexuality and my sexual desires. We'll talk about His intentions versus our intentions.
WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT SEX. A LOT.
Why?
Because...SEX IS GOOD. But our lens on sex has been perverted and distorted–for many reasons. However, my hope is that by being open about my journey with sexuality and sex–inviting dialogue and questions, GOD will meet us and bring about restoration and revelation. And I believe that He will.
Since this is the TRANSPARENCY pact, I will be transparent in saying that I am no expert. I do not know everything there is to know about sex. But for what I don't know and what you don't know, instead of relying on our own ignorance, or social media, or the world, let's make a pact to go to the Word of GOD.
So what does the Word of GOD say about "sexuality?"
Before we can even begin to answer that question, we must understand that sexuality was originally a part of our GOD-given identity. Therefore, instead our first question should be, "What does GOD say about our identity?"
For those that have their Bibles, please bring them out and turn with me to the book of Genesis. I'll be reading from the The Quest New International Version Study Bible...
In Genesis 1:26, GOD says "Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground. So GOD created mankind in His own image, in the image of GOD He created them; male and female He created them."
Three questions I want to pose here for dialogue:
1. Why does a monotheistic GOD refer to Himself as "us?"
2. What is the image of GOD?
3. What does it mean to be created in the image of GOD?
Now, let's seek to answer these questions!
We'll begin with the first question: Why does GOD refer to Himself as "us."
When GOD says "us," He is referring to His community–the Holy Trinity. One of the most complex understandings of the Christian faith is the unique acceptance of a monotheistic GOD existing in the community of the Holy Trinity–Father, Son, & Holy Spirit.
There really isn't a deep breakdown in the Bible as to how all three parts of the Holy Trinity exist in one entity, but they do. For the longest time, this theological concept didn't make sense to me. And honestly, up until this very sentence it did not make a lot sense to me...
But then GOD dropped this gem on me: think of the Holy Trinity as the Mind, the Body and the Soul. The Mind of the Trinity is GOD, the Body of the Trinity is Jesus, and the Soul of the Trinity is Holy Spirit. At the Mind of the Trinity is GOD–a creative genius who leads the entire entity–like with us. All of the decisions we make are detected first within our minds before the rest of our body follows through with it. Kind of like Jesus who acts as the Trinity's human Body–following through with the Trinity's Mind decisions. Then there's the Soul or Holy Spirit–the immortal being of the Trinity...also like with us. Every human being has a soul.
So, it's safe to say that our makeup mirrors the makeup of the Holy Trinity–Mind (GOD), Body (Jesus), & Soul (Holy Spirit).
What is the image of GOD?
The image of GOD doesn't really refer to the physicality of GOD, but rather the essence or the character of GOD. The character of GOD includes His creativity (Genesis 1:1), His intelligence (Genesis 1:1-27), His compassion (1 John 4:8), His dominion (Genesis 1:26), His power (Luke 1:37), His righteousness (Psalm 145:17), and His holiness (Leviticus 11:44).
So, what does it mean to be created in the image of GOD?
To be created in the image of GOD means to be fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)–meaning that all of GOD's characteristics listed above were woven into you. We are literally an extension of who GOD is, which is why we are called to be representations of GOD in the earth (2 Corinthians 5:20).
Now that we've got the breakdown of the Holy Trinity, the image of God and being created in the image of GOD out of the way...
How does sexuality play into all of this?
In Genesis 1:27, GOD makes it explicitly clear that He created man and female–two very distinct human creations. While they are both created in the image of GOD–having likeness, there is still a distinct difference about them–sexuality. How men and women express themselves as male and female are very different, and quite frankly that is how GOD intended for us to be–alike in our GOD-image, but different in our gender and in our expression of our gender.
Sexuality really comes down to our expression; it is a self expression of our GOD-given makeup. You cannot escape sexuality; to do so would mean limiting your being's expression of itself–denying who GOD made you to be.
So how does one express their sexuality?
That my friend is the question I am still learning how best to answer. Truth is our society has distorted what it means to express sexuality. Oftentimes when we think of what expressing our sexuality means, we think it means sex. But that's not all it means. You can express your sexuality without having sex. Expressing your sexuality is a form of you owning your masculinity or your femininity; it's the ability to be intimate in your emotional expression of yourself.
Let's breakdown the word "sexuality:" we have SEX and ALITY. "Sex" refers to the act of sex, but it also refers to gender–male and female. "Ality" is the Latin suffix often associated with an activity or a doing of something. Therefore, sexuality can refer to the expression of sex and the expression of our gender.
According to the divine order of GOD, we are called to express our gender before we are ever called to express ourselves physically in the bed (Hebrews 13:4). But again, that divine order has been jaded. GOD wanted us to understand our identity and our makeup–how to express ourselves as male and female, before we were ever able to understand how to express ourselves physically–sexually. GOD wanted us to understand our creativity, our intelligence, our compassion, our dominion, our power, and our call to righteousness and holiness before sex ever came into the picture. Which makes sense seeing how GOD did not create Adam and Eve at the same time.
GOD made Adam first–before Eve. He got homeboy well acclimated with the Earth, the plants, and all of the animals that GOD was now giving Adam dominion over before Eve. GOD grew Adam and developed a purpose within Adam while he was single (Genesis 2:7-17). GOD was able to establish Adam's identity and purpose without the distraction of another person. Then when the time was right, GOD made Eve (Genesis 2:18). And it was only when the time was right that GOD brought Eve in and agreed that it was not good for Adam to be alone, and that it was good for man and woman to get it on (Genesis 2:18-25).
So here we see as early as Adam, GOD's intention for us to express our sexuality–our gender expression and identity, without the involvement or requirement of another person. I believe that GOD wants us to embrace our sexuality–meaning to express our identity beautifully and fluently–first without sex. But that requires us to truthfully understand what our identity really is and how to fully embrace it. And I've struggled with that...
My next pact to you is to uncover how I have struggled with my identity–not fully understanding how I was made in the image of GOD and what that meant–and how that led to more than a decade's worth of me falling in and out of sexual sin, and an identity crisis.
Before then, I want you to ask yourself a few things:
1. Do I know what it means to express my sexuality righteously?
2. How do I express my sexuality?
3. Where do I struggle expressing myself sexually?
Until we meet again,
xo, Nic.
