Dear [Single] Nicole, Thank You.
I can’t really remember the first time you recognized your desire for marriage.
Maybe it was when you were about 5-years-old and you got your first Barbie Bride…or maybe it was after watching The Little Mermaid for the first time. Who knows! But like most young girls, by the time you were about 13, you knew that you wanted to be married and you had your dream wedding already planned out––bridesmaids, venue, the whole nine!
Unfortunately, you had no idea what being married would actually require of you. And little did you know that heartbreak, loss, setbacks, doubt, discouragement and so many other roadblocks would challenge that very desire to be married––testing every ounce of your willingness to want marriage…let alone commit to it.
For years, this desire toyed with the opportunity of you just getting know people, and just dating to have fun. You began to look at men more like candidates for a husband than actual human beings. (And let me tell ya, you missed out on some pretty great dates!)
Then, knee deep into your twenties, something shifted. After one failed relationship after the next, you decided to give up your desire for marriage. Wedding plans out the window…Immediately! In fact, you were almost convinced that maybe marriage was actually never in GOD’s plans for you––that maybe what He wanted for you was a life exempt from marriage.
Why desire what you can’t/aren’t supposed to have, right?
So you parted ways with it and figured you were better off by yourself––creating a full life of singleness. And you were ready to live the single life eternally and extensively––putting your career first. And if you still wanted kids somewhere down the line, you agreed to either adopt or go to a sperm bank.
You were exceptionally content with the idea.
But GOD wasn’t.
The truth is, sis, what you thought was you giving up on marriage was a cop out; you parting ways with your desire was a cop out. If we’re being honest, you gave up that desire because you were afraid. Afraid that maybe you were too tainted, too impure, too unworthy, too faulted. Too human. You thought that you didn’t deserve it…because there was some insecure and untrue part of you that believed––based on false ideologies and false teachings of purity culture––that a girl like you wasn’t holy enough for the sanctity of marriage.
That wasn’t true, but you still needed to work through those emotions. You still needed to experience that season of your life. Because it was in that season where you realized what #TheRibLifeJourney was really about. It was in that season where you realized that GOD didn’t just want you to be married; He didn’t just call you to be a wife. In fact that desire of yours really had nothing to do with you “finding a husband,” let alone marriage. But everything to do with Him leading you into becoming even more of the woman He’s called you to be.
It wasn’t ever about a wedding. It wasn’t ever about finding your husband. It wasn’t even about marriage. It was about you––finding you.
Up until that season of your life, Nic, you spent so much time negating yourself. You kept thinking that there was always something wrong with you––something unloveable about you that made previous partners choose their singleness over you. For years, you thought that if you did more of this or less of that, that they would stay.
If you lost more weight, maybe they’d find you more attractive. Well, that clearly didn’t work.
If you actually had sex, maybe they wouldn’t go looking elsewhere. We see how that ended––literally.
If you drowned yourself into the things that they liked, maybe they’d want to spend more time with you. Yeah, no, sis.
Nicole, you tried to be everything other than you, but all along you have always been enough. And while you didn’t realize it immediately, after a few months of wrestling with it, you began to see that you have and always will be enough––even if for nobody other than yourself.
And it was in that revelation that one of the greatest loves one could ever experience walked into your life.
Dear [Single] Nicole…
There was never anything wrong with your desire for marriage––never anything wrong with you. In fact, GOD placed that desire on your heart and always had every intention of fulfilling that desire. You were just asking for it to be fulfilled by the wrong people.
But you learned…and therefore I learned.
And there is so much that I have learned from what you have taught me.
So much that I have gained from what you have offered me.
Sis, I wouldn’t be at all who I am today if it wasn’t for you. If it wasn’t for your courage to always love one more time, if it wasn’t for your tenacity to always forgive one more time, if it wasn’t for your bravery to dream one more time, if it wasn’t for your faith to believe one more time.
Singleness shaped me and it shaped me well. It wasn’t always easy to stay in it, but you did.
And for that I am thankful, because…
It was in the thick of singleness where I heard the voice of GOD for the first time.
It was in the thick of singleness after my last breakup where I found the bravado of my own voice for the first time.
It was in the thick of singleness where I learned the power of saying no over choosing what didn’t serve me for the first time.
It was in the thick of singleness where I felt seen by myself as WHOLE. PURE. and HOLY for the first time.
As tumultuous as it was, emotional as anyone could imagine, singleness was a GIFT––one of the greatest gifts of my life. If you never had the audacity to face singleness with the endurance that you did, Nicole, I would’ve never gotten to this place––this place of worthiness.
You fostered a space for me to believe that I am WORTHY.
And not just of love, not just of marriage, not just of a man, not just of an amazing career, but worthy of MYSELF.
Just this time two years ago, I doubted my deserving––my worthiness of a loving and healthy companionship, let alone marriage.
Now look where we are, sis…
In 48 hours, you will be marrying the man of your dreams––who loves you with a fierce intensity, whose heart is an extension of GOD’s, whose eyes look upon you with the Grace of the Father, whose presence is a reminder that GOD really does care about the things that we care about, and any desire that He places on our hearts, He is faithful to fulfill.
You are worthy of this love––always have been and always will be.
Dear [Single] Nicole,
There will always be a piece of you within me. May that piece remind me of how far we’ve come and how much farther we still have to go.
May it remind me to always reach back for you––to keep healing you, to keep growing you, to keep thanking you.
For everything you taught me,
For all that you gave me,
For the adventures we’ve had together,
For the journey that was and will soon transition into a new,
THANK YOU.
xo, Nic.
