EXPEDITED: Don't Give Up on 2019 Just Yet
Originally written for The Sacred Desk.
Ephesians 3:20 says
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we could ask or think, according to the power that works in us.
I think it's safe to say that 2019 hazed the heck out of me.
Adulting was most certainly the ghetto, and my impatience was even more ghetto. I went through a financial loss, a family loss, and a relationship loss all within the first three months of the year. By March, I was ready to throw 2019 away and sleep until 2020.
And while things may have seemed to level out around the end of April/early May, I realized that I was hopeless. I still believed in GOD, still had faith in His realness, but I certainly questioned His goodness.
I remember this one Saturday I believe it was in May–I was sitting in my prayer room just bawling. I was in pain–physically, spiritually and emotionally. I asked GOD to take the pain away, and I begged and pleaded. But even with tears streaming down His daughter's face and snot everywhere, GOD said..."NO!"
Excuse?! You don't see me here crying and carrying on? I AM HURT. You need to take this away, Lord.
"NO. If I do, you won't seek me."
*Clutches pearls!*
Yep. Loud and clear the "good' Lord told me "NO"––He would not be taking my pain and suffering, my hurt and agony, my worry and fear, away from me because if He did I would not seek Him.
So, what did I do?
I kept seeking Him. And while I didn't really have a whole lot of expectations, by July, I came to the conclusion that for the rest of the year, I would keep my expectations low. For my 26th birthday, I had only two wishes: (1) to trust GOD, and (2) to show up as my most authentic self in the spaces GOD has allotted me.
That sounds all cute, but what exactly does that all mean, Nic?
So happy you asked, beloved!
Truthfully, at the time I had no idea what that wish meant. Like you said, it sounded "cute." And to be honest, it just "felt" like the right thing to say. I was disappointed––highly upset with GOD and with life and I was tired. I refused to denounce my faith because of a few setbacks, and what kind of Christian and preacher of the Gospel would I be if I didn't at least try to trust GOD.
I once heard that GOD honors even our attempts to do what He's called us to do; He doesn't expect us to do it perfectly or without mistakes, but He does expect us to at least try.
So, I was devoted to at least trying to trust Him––to believe that even in my hurt, GOD would eventually work it all out for my good (Romans 8:28). Even if I couldn't see it––even if I couldn't understand it––I was devoted to believing that at some point GOD would make do on His promise as He stated in the scripture of Romans 8:28. All I had to do was trust Him.
And in order for me to trust Him, I also had to show up––even with my baggage. In order to trust someone or trust in someone, there has to be some level of comfortability and honesty in your vulnerability. Trust requires vulnerability––it requires openness and oftentimes oneness. In order to trust, you have to be willing to expose something––you have to be willing to be authentic. So, in order for me to trust GOD, I had to be authentic; I had to be vulnerable and exposed in the spaces He allotted me to be in. I also had to be vulnerable and exposed in the spaces of my heart that I hadn't allowed GOD to reside in.
It wasn't easy.
Time and time again, I was ready to give up. B "putting on" for people didn't work for me anymore. "Faking it until I made it" and "pushing through" did not do me any justice. I was tired of hiding and pretending for the sake of keeping others out––keeping GOD out.
And as I began to let GOD into my heart in a new way, I became more desperate––more dependent on something other than myself.
Eventually, I hit what felt like a pit––an emotional pit of nothing but even more tears, weariness, tiredness, and hopelessness. But then on a random Tuesday in October, GOD sent help––a miracle in the form of a stranger. He sent hope.
Turns out GOD really just needed to humble me. Everything from January 1st of this year to the day in the middle of October, every disappointment, every loss, every tear, was on purpose. GOD did have plans to work them all out for my good. But before we got to good, He had to humble me in order to prepare me for the good.
While October may seem like the year is pretty much over, which for me at the time it did, time means nothing to GOD. He does what He wants when He wants to. Unlike us, GOD is not restricted nor moved by time.
October does seem pretty late to turn things around for someone, but I promise you within the last few weeks of the year––from mid-October to now early-December, GOD has expedited His goodness toward me.
I'm talking financial increases out of nowhere, restoration in terms of my hope, new love, new relationships, and even new provision. Sure, it took almost 10 months for me to see any harvest from the tears I had sown earlier in the year. But all that I went through at the top of 2019 was worth it; GOD superseded His goodness in an overflow even within this short amount of time.
Like I said, He expedited His goodness.
I don't know what 2019 looked like for you. Maybe it was great for you! If it was, lit! This message is not for you...sooooo, step aside and let me talk to the beloveds whose 2019 year was hell on earth. Yeah, YOU! Let me tell you something,
DO NOT GIVE UP ON 2019 JUST YET, YOU HEAR ME?
GOD is not limited in His healing, He is not limited in His goodness, He is not limited in His blessings. GOD is also not limited in His timing. Sometimes all He needs is our willingness to give up what we thought was good for us and trust Him––let Him into your heart in a more intimate way, allow Him to humble you, and just wait.
Will it hurt? Yes.
Will it be hard? Yes.
But will it be worth it? Absolutely.
Friend, the year isn't over just yet. GOD is still highly capable of blowing your mind and expediting His blessings toward you––express shipping, free of charge.
Stay encouraged,
xo, Nic.
