GOD of the Silent Desires
Originally written for The Sacred Desk.
Since I was about 13 let's say, I've always wanted a guitar and to learn how to play one.
Unfortunately, I settled for the clarinet in elementary school, so by the time I was in middle school, I had already spent hundreds of hours in lessons and hundreds of dollars to buy new reeds for my clarinet. My senior year of high school, I put down my clarinet and I haven't played since. But still this desire to learn how to play the guitar was on my heart.
I didn't tell anyone about it really––not my mom, my dad, my sister, not even my best friend. It was kind of like this secret thing that only I knew about...at least so I thought.
Friday, I was at a friend's house and she's teaching herself how to play the piano. A friend of hers gifted her a keyboard to practice; and so we sat on her bedroom floor and practiced her chords. I sang while she played and it was super dope! Then I looked up and there was a guitar. I asked her if she played and she said after many times of trying to teach herself, she just didn't want to anymore and was thinking about giving it away. (You catching what I'm throwing?) "BET! Can I have it?!"
With no hesitation, she gave me her guitar. No questions, no discussion, no apprehension, no take backs, she just gave me her whole guitar.
I drove for almost three hours from my friend's house Saturday morning back to my apartment in Maryland–super excited about my newest instrument laying beautifully in my backseat, and it wasn't until I got home that it hit me: GOD did this. For 13 years, I've silently had this passion, and like I said, I didn't tell anyone about it; no one knew except me...and GOD. And as trivial as it may sound, GOD used my friend to bless me so that I could fulfill this passion I had secretly been walking around with. To be honest, I don't have money for a guitar––there is no room in my single-adulting budget to afford a guitar, let alone lessons (thank GOD for free lessons on Youtube!). But GOD provided.
GOD provided for a small and silent dream–a passion that I'd been silent about. I didn't pray to GOD about it, didn't ask GOD for it, didn't even believe GOD for it...but He provided. When I realized the gravity of this, I felt convicted.
Why, Nic?
Because even without me asking for something that I wanted, GOD provided. It didn't require any kind of faith, any kind of trust, any kind of fasting––just GOD being GOD. But somehow with the very things that I pray to GOD for and say that I have faith for, I can't seem to trust Him.
If GOD is a GOD that provides even our smallest of desires, can't He also be a GOD of our biggest desires? If GOD knows the things we desire, but haven't spoke out loud and sometimes even forget about–if He knows those small things, doesn't He also know the desires we constantly go to Him for and about?
If GOD can be trust with our small and silent desires, can't He, too, be trusted with our big and loudest desires?
In Genesis 15, we learn about our ancestor Abraham's desire to have a son. Now in old age, GOD is beginning to use Abraham in a powerful way. He tells Abraham that for Abraham's faithfulness, his reward will be great, and Abraham is like, "Well GOD, what good is having all this great reward of yours when me & my wife Sarah are old as dirt? Like who is going to enjoy this reward? We ain't got much time left, Lord! You ain't given me no sons, so any reward you got for me, just give them to one of my servants, give them to my young buls! They'll be my heir" (Genesis 15:1-3). But GOD was like, "Um. NO. Actually, your old rusty behind is actually going to have a son! And not only will you have a son, but through you I'm going to populate the entire earth––many nations will come through your bloodline. In fact, my chosen people will be your descendants (Genesis 15:4-5, 12-17, Genesis 18:18).
Two chapters later, Abraham is reminded that through him nations will be born, and that his wife, Sarah, will bear him a son. GOD reminds Abraham of His promise of this heir, and now even older in age, Abraham actually laughs at GOD. Like, "GOD, you're really funny! How in the world can my old soldiers and her shriveled up womb make a baby? Are you crazy?!" (Genesis 17:15-17).
Now before this, Abraham actually did have a son, Ishmael, with his slave, Hagar, (Genesis 16) and it created a whole of lot of drama that GOD never intended for (hence why if you ever question if monogamy is the Lord's will since people tell us it isn't natural, read the story of Abraham, Sarah, & Hagar). GOD intended for Abraham to have a son, but not just with anyone–but with his wife, Sarah. It was only through Sarah's womb that GOD's promise would be fulfilled (Genesis 17:21). Sarah, too in disbelief at GOD's plan for her to have a baby in such old age laughs at GOD (Genesis 18:12), but GOD eventually gets the last laugh because not only does Sarah get pregnant and give birth to Issac–GOD's original plan, (Genesis 21: 1-7) when Hagar and Ishmael are sent away under Sarah's rightful authority, GOD tells Abraham, "Do as your wife tells you to do, but because [Ishmael] is your son, too, I got you! I'll make a nation out of him also, how about that?" (Genesis 21:8-13).
For many years, Abraham and Sarah wanted to children, but once they both passed the "socially accepted" ages for conceiving, they gave up. They remained faithful to GOD, but what they failed to realize was that GOD knew of their desire–even in their silence. And when that desire became a realized desire–one that GOD audibly knew about when Abraham talked to him about it in Genesis 15, when GOD acknowledged that desire and said that He would provide, they still doubted Him. Abraham and Sarah took matters into their own hands, bringing in Hagar. But if GOD knew of Abraham and Sarah's desire before they recognized it for themselves, is He not more than capable of providing for it–especially if it is a part of His will?
Abraham and Sarah were silent about their desire to have a child until GOD brought it up–until GOD made it known that their desire was actually a part of His will. This silent desire soon became a fulfilled desire, and through that fulfillment the bloodline that would produce GOD's chosen people, would then lead to the creation of the great King David, who was the ancestor of Jesus Christ–who is not just the ancestor of you and me, but the Savior of the World.
It was through a small and silent desire that GOD used to reveal His faithfulness, eventually producing the Messiah.
So I ask you fam, if GOD is faithful to hear and fulfill our small desires, is He not faithful enough to hear and fulfill our biggest desires, especially if He is the one that put them there?
Jesus tells us, "You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." (John 14:14) Not somethings. Not a few things. Not most of things. ANYTHING. If you have asked Him for it, He is more than faithful to fulfill it.
The keys though to receiving "anything" are TIMING, FAITH, and the CONDITION OF YOUR HEART. GOD wants the number one spot in your heart; He wants nothing before Him (Exodus 34:14). If GOD cannot trust you to not turn your desire into a god, He will not give it to you until the condition of your heart is right; there is no room for idolatry when it comes to our relationship with Him. But trust that in due time, when your faith, the condition of your heart, and GOD's timing are in alignment, GOD will provide...both for the small and silent desires, and for the big and loud desires.
Stay encouraged, fam.
xo, Nic.
